Those who are impatient for more technology coverage and are bothered that I actually have a life can look forward to a big column coming this evening. For the rest of you here’s something wonderful and funny that happened last night.
That’s my wife, the young and lovely Mary Alyce, in one of her less flattering photos. She shot it late last night with the camera in her phone.
Mary Alyce’s parents have been living with us the last three months as her father’s health fails after 20+ years with Parkinson’s Disease. I became America’s highest-paid home health aide. Earlier this week he moved into hospice and almost immediately into a coma from which he is not expected to awaken. Mary Alyce and her mother have been staying there with him, keeping company, leaving me home with the kids.
This picture was taken as Mary Alyce lay back-to-back with her mother. Her Mom was facing the hospital bed where her husband lay. You can see her shoulder behind. When Mary Alyce took the picture she was startled by the flash and how bright it was. Her mother only saw the hospital bed suddenly surrounded by a halo of bright light.
“I can see the angels!” she cried. “They’ve come to take your father!”
Not yet.
They laughed for an hour.
Update — My father-in-law died Monday morning.
I lost my father this last january. All my best Mary Alyce
The Angels will help you all, because you’re helping them.
Be well.
Your wife is very lovely. It’s very difficult dealing with death and dying and being a caregiver to the ones who once cared for you (or your wife in this case). We’re dealing with similar issues and I need to learn to be more supportive and find the shiny happy moments. Thanks for the lesson.
It is good to see that you have a human side (not that you don’t) and can write about personal experiences. One needs to do whatever will get them through something like this. We all have a choice when dealing with the death of someone. I suggest you remember the good times as those can never be taken away from you.
Thanks, Bob, for this and all your columns, whatever the subject. Appropriate to the day.
+1
Yes, thanks. This is the second post at cringely.com that’s brought tears to my eyes. (The first was about losing your dog.) You’re a good man, Bob.
This is, after all, a blog. The word was originally “web log”, which was defined as an on-line diary. Most blogs, these days, are advertising vehicles, devoid of anything interesting.
nice piece, thanks Bob
“…anything where you confront your own mortality is life altering, whether it is disease, a car accident or combat…” – Sebastian Junger
My parents have passed away in the past decade after years of my siblings and I being there and learning to deal with each successive situation.
You write a column on technology, tools which improve our lives at best. Thanks for reminding us the actions we take can give us opportunities not only improve the lives of others, but improve who we are as human beings.
Those who complain about the diversions from the relentless stream of technology may need to get a life before it is gone.
That’s great they they were able to laugh about it. My beloved grandmother has been dealing with Parkinson’s for the past 12 years or so, and she’s become a ghost of the person I remember she can be. It’s so sad. I wonder when I’ll have to face the day like your wife is…
Bob,
please convey our prayers to yours. My mother was also a victim of Parkinson’s, for almost 20 years. It took almost 10 years to diagnose. Medication, looking back, fixed her tremors in forearm but unfortunately took away her sight, talking and finally her nervous system.
Do you think you would have the strength and willingness to write about Parkinson’s and effectiveness of drugs to fight Parkinson’s in particular or in general.
I understand if you think its tall order.
Health is not an area where I feel I have much to add. Parkinsons in particular is one of those diseases that comes in many forms and generally responds to no one treatment. So no, don’t expect me to write about it.
You are lucky if you use your observational skills to learn from this situation.
It is a learning curve into the transience of life!
My mother had Alzheimer’s and I both hated and loved the experience.
I could tell you anecdotal stories about her that show the ignorance of professional knowledge.
I learned a lot —that the existential beliefs of our relationships change over time and we fail to see them change and only believe the last view. My mother’s state showed her various persona as she remembered them but failed to remember her last one.
Parkinson’s would have on emotive effect on the patient. That relationship would be an insight into the character of your in-law.
First of all, I’m sorry some folks were apparently giving you grief about letting your Real Life get in the way of techno-punditry… Some of the wanderers of the intertubes are less than charitable, or don’t have much experience with Real Life, or both.
Second of all, although I’m sorry for the difficult times y’all are going through, I’m happy that y’all are able to go through them together as a family, at home and in hospice, and find a moment or two that are worth a smile, or a good belly laugh.
That’s a sign that y’all are doing it right, despite all difficulties and doubts…
Thanks for sharing.
While the passing of a loved one is always sad, the fact that he will be surrounded by those closest to him as he passes must bring him great comfort.
Our thoughts go out to you and your family.
Best wishes to all of the family during this difficult time.
Bob, my prayers are with you, your wife, and your whole family. My dad passed away a year and a half ago; I may have an inkling of the feelings you are all experiencing. I wish you all comfort in these tough days.
Thanks also for sharing, throughout the years, your personal life with us. I enjoy your point of view.
My wish for you and your family is peace. Losing a loved one is hard. Being a care taker, especially down the path your family is on is harder. To be able to write about these experiences is extraordinary.
It is not always about technology or news. It is also about connecting with people.
Having lost my father just under a year ago, and done on of those bedside vigils, I know how important any laugh can be to carry you through it. And as for the technology angle, well, technology brought a laugh to your wife and her mum in a time in much need of laughs. You have to figure, when we go out, it would be nice if we went surrounded by some laughter…for the right reasons. 🙂
Sorry to hear; never a good thing.
Depsite the bad news when my Father died a few years ago also Hospice (assistance in the home) – I’d have say Hospice is a quality product from people who understand the reality and make easy among life’s hardest decisions and events. We wouldn’t have had any other way.
Bob –
Some of us just read you to read YOU. My prayers are with you and your family, and thanks for sharing. It’s a rare person who can find humor in pathos, and I’m sure it’s appreciated back home.
Bob, I think Freud said that you are your love and your work. It’s nice to see someone enjoy both. You’ve always been on the cutting edge of many trends. You’re setting another by showing how the line between family and career can blur. And in your case, it works in a positive way.
The ability to laugh in the midst of sorrow and loss. Such a gift.
Been following your articles and blogs for so long you feel like family. God bless, old friend.
3 and a half years ago, I was the only one out of us three sons to have the time to go to Arkansas to be with my mom, who was in the hospital with heart problems. She ended up getting a couple more stents installed, and she was going to need to convalesce for a while. Really, she needed someone to keep an eye on her so she wouldn’t get out and start working around the house right away. So I made a command decision, loaded her up in her car, and brought her to live with me in Arizona. We subsequently mad trips back to pack her household up, and ultimately sold the house there. She just couldn’t manage the upkeep any more. Last December, we took advantage of the housing market and bought the house right across the street, where she is now much more happy and comfortable and no longer having to walk up and down the stairs. In the intervening years, my daughter also came to live with me from Arkansas, and via Facebook I got reacquainted with an old high school flame and got remarried. So I went from bachelor to full house in nothing flat. I wouldn’t have changed a thing. It really focused me on how important and rewarding it is to have family. And how much I miss having my Dad around, lost to the cancer sticks many years ago.
They don’t have to be underfoot, but family is more important than most people realize, until you start losing them.
I come down on the side of liking most everything you write. Keep it up.
In the meantime you may find this interesting. It is about a new break-through and even has a Google tie-in.
http://jewishworldreview.com/0411/parkinsons_research_headway.php3
Laughter really is a gift in moments like this. I’m betting my recovery from a similar event might have been shorter had I found a moment of lightness. Best to you all.
Bob, I am very sorry to hear about these health and life issues you and your family are going through. Please accept my families best wishes and hope for this situation. It is never an easy thing to go through. I had to go through it with my father when he was only 65. He was a big Cringely and triumph of the nerds fan so when I read about these things and the classic technology articles that you right I always smile for my father.
I feel for you. My mom has Parkinson’s and it’s tough …
Best wishes to you all …
There’s always room for more humanity, even (especially?) in a technology column.
My sympathies to you and your family
My condolences to your family.
It’s not too late to post last year’s Xmas pic…
In all seriousness, my best to your family. Losing a member is a tough experience.
-KLH
I follow only a handful of people on Twitter, most of them journalists, and then only when they have shown they are people as well as journalists. Thanks for sharing yourself as well as your knowledge. May God’s peace be with your family in this time of sorrow.
I am a paid care giver in a dementia ward, where most residents stay until the very end. Although my job is specifically for the residents, a good portion of my actual duties involve helping the families along the way of a long and difficult road.
Laughing and making light of a very dark situation has proven to be a quite effective way of dealing with things. I try and assure families that jokes and dark humour are not disrespectful, and not to feel horrible about these incidents, or having such thoughts.
As usual, you and yours seem to have got there on your own, Bob.
And kudos to you for taking your in-laws into your home, that can be a thankless and unappreciated undertaking. You have my full respect, for what it’s worth.
My condolences…
You laugh whenever you can. Been a rough year on the extended Cringely clan. Many good wishes for you all.
Talk talk talk. People love to spread rumors and then the truth gets taken out of context.
Idon’t usually comment, but when I do… My prayers are with your family Bob and it’s the simple things that make us smile in life. I can venture a guess that your wife was taking the pic to send to you. Nice.
Condolences to your family, Bob.
(While reading about the “vyvacious” Mary Alyce and your mother-in-law , my iTunes started playing “Silent Lucidity” in the background and I started bawling. Don’t do that again, please…I’m a grown man.)
So sorry to hear of your loss. Very sad, but very free of the entrapment faced. Hope your family are strong, stick together, and heal from the loss.
I lost my Mom to Parkinson’s almost a year ago to the day. Fortunately (it seems strange to use the word this way) she a severe stroke through related complications, and passed away a few days later. So she avoided much of the suffering that Parkinson’s victims often go through.
My thoughts go out to your wife, it dosn’t matter the age or reason – it is just plain very hard to lose a parent.
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