FedEx Kinkos Won’t Print Our Christmas Card
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Update — Good news! Reader Scott Hall, who owns a card printing web site called Babyshere.com, offered to print our Christmas cards for less than FedEx-Kinkos would have charged. Only a few hours later my cards are now literally in the mail. Thanks, Scott!
Tonight I walked into the Fedex Kinkos store on Calhoun Street here in Charleston, SC to print our Christmas cards, only to have the clerk, Tammy Johnson, reject my order as obscene.
We Cringelys are known for our Christmas cards, I admit, because we make them ourselves and we’re naked. The tradition began by accident and now our cards are so popular friends remind us to send them. Making naked Christmas cards that are tasteful isn’t easy, either, but we do it. With three little boys you can only go so long until they begin to realize they are, well, naked. That leads in our family not so much to protestations of modesty as to demands for bribes. The price of this year’s photo session was $2 worth of sour gummy worms per kid. Yum.
This is the second year in a row we’ve been rejected by Kinkos. “I remember you,” said Ms. Johnson, handing back my USB drive with a look of disdain. It was hard for me to tell whether this was a different look of disdain from the one I got when Ms. Johnson had to put down her cellphone to serve me in the first place.
I appealed last year’s rejection to the store manager, a man. After all Kinkos — the very same Kinkos — had happily printed our cards the previous four years. We were posing last year in a fishing boat, wearing life vests, strategic shadows, and nothing else. “I see something there, ” said the manager, pointing at what would have been the groin of my six year-old if it hadn’t been well-hidden behind a light on the boat.
“What do you see?” I asked.
“You know,” he said.
“It’s a navigation light,” I said.
“I don’t think so.”
“It’s green,” I said. “It’s a green navigation light.”
Our cards show nothing. They are just for fun. Summer vacation photos that families print at the same store show more — lots more — than our cards ever do.
When we were rejected last year I was working two days per week in San Francisco, so I had the cards printed there at another Kinkos, South of Market. I told the whole rejection/obscenity story to the pierced and tattooed San Francisco Kinkos counterman, who found it hilarious. He threw-in a few extra cards for free.
The U. S. Supreme Court allowed years ago that obscenity standards could vary based on “local values,” but such values have to be uniformly applied. If a Fedex Kinkos in Charleston will print a picture of a girl in a bikini or a boy with his shirt off, then they should print my Christmas cards.
I’ll be calling Fred Smith, the founder of FedEx, in the morning. If enough of you tell your friends about this column before then, maybe Fred will be expecting my call.
Here’s the picture. What do you think?
I don’t see this as obscene in any way.
I don’t see it as an attempt at humor.
I see it as a beautiful picture of a family who is not hung up by the screwed up attitude of the anti-nakedness brainwashed society that makes obscene and distasteful comments about the beautiful woman’s partly naked body and sees the taking of such a picture as an attack on the upbringing of some terrific kids.
The screwed up and obscene people and their similar comments are what is wrong here.
The picture is wonderful, refreshing and beautiful.
I hope the family has the best Christmas time ever and many more to come.
I know that with their healthy attitude to their bodies they will enjoy the summer as none of the negative commentators will ever do.
If seeing other people naked is damaging, then 100.000+ of adults visiting nudist beaches with their parents as kids would be seriously damaged. You know what’s damaging? Acting prudish, teaching children that their body is obscene/nasty and giving them the experience that all nudity is solemnly associated with sexual activity. There is nothing wrong with a open and shameless view on nudity. Unfortunately, this tendency is growing in Europe as well, even here in The Netherlands of all places (which used to have a quite liberal view on nudity).
Sorry for my english (not my natural language). About the picture…hilarious, nice picture (unfortunately not completely sharp at the back) and keep up the tradition as long as your kids want to participate in it. Else…maybe a little suggestion…you as parents semi-naked shivering in the cold snow and the kids fully packed to stay warm!
I love this card! And I would love it even if it showed the parts it very carefully doesn’t show.
Look: We all have one of two basic designs. Even young children have some idea of how the other sex looks. So what’s the big deal about showing or not showing certain body parts? Do we really think that simple, social nudity is some kind of sex act? Do some of the commenters here think that, despite all evidence to the contrary–and there’s plenty of evidence to the contrary–seeing one’s father, mother, or sibling in the nude is going to traumatize a child?
If so, then America really is sick. And the cure just might be a generous dose of simple, social, non-erotic nudity exactly like this.
Thank you, Bob, for sharing this with us! I hope your Christmas was very merry and blessed.
I think that is some fantastic side boob.
After three kids, I wish my boobs looked that good.
I mean..if I were a woman..
I *am* a woman, and after three kids, I wish my breasts looked that good, too!
Seriously, though – this isn’t obscene. This isn’t disgusting. This is cute. I wish I could get all three of my kids – and my husband – to smile in the same picture.
FedEx/Kinko’s is stupid, and I’m glad your Christmas cards got printed out.
i like nude kids
u should give the web video or picture naked kids
spoken like a true pedophile…
That is too cute. I cannot fathom what FedEx/Kinkos’ issue is, but then again, there have been parents arrested for getting photos of their toddlers in the tub developed or printed.
I think it’s a hilarious tradition, kudos to you guys for having the chutzpah to go back to the same kinkos!
If the adults want to pose and send out cards like this I have no problem. But I really don’t think having children nude in the card is a good idea. There are alot of pedofiles out there and the kids are posed kinda creepy. I also think it’s against the law to pose children naked online. I could be wrong.
I agree, the parents have little semi-outfits on that are sort of cute and if the woman wants to show off one of the girlfriends that’s her choice. The kids, on the other hand, look like they’re being exploited and it’s disturbingly creepy. What kind of parent would want to post a picture like this online so that any weirdo can see it? As well as their friends at school. I can’t think of one sensible reason to publish a picture like this.
I think if we all thought like Patricia, we would never ever go outside our homes and be exposed to other people, just because there might be some “weirdo” that might see us. Think about it! If someone has any improper thoughts about this beautiful and happy family, they are the ones that should rethink their lives. I’m sure that these boys are not in any way less protected or loved or happy just because their picture can be seen by other people. The evil is in the eye of the beholder. I’m sure they are very happy boys and being raised by a very protective and loving family, which know enough not to make the boys feel ashamed of their own bodies. If more people thought and acted this way, the world would be a much better place. There’s nothing sexual or evil or to be ashamed of in this beautiful Christmas family scene.
Not creepy at all LD. I think they are totally cute an quite hilarious. The facial looks are priceless. I love this photo and thinks its actually both fun and beautiful.
I certainly don’t think of myself as a *prude* in any way, but I have to say that personally I don’t like the photo idea. And it’s really because of the kids. Even if you hadn’t said they are now being bribed to participate, it still makes me uneasy. From a psychological standpoint, the kids may feel in some way “forced” to participate, even if it’s just by means of encouragement.
I can understand why your local Kinko’s objected, though they may have different reasons than I would have.
Not at all obscene, but still very troubling when you think of the lengths Bob had to go to in order to capture such an image. How is the whole family naked together not damaging in some way to the boys’ fragile little minds?
Think about it.
Just one more ludicrous post that has me one step closer to not reading Cringely anymore. Keep it up.
How does nudity damage any mind? And how many little boys have fragile minds?
I would think the answers are intuitively obvious, but your post suggests that you can’t grasp the concepts involved so I’ll provide them: It doesn’t and damned few, probably none.
Van
[...] I, Cringely » Blog Archive » FedEx Kinkos Won't Print Our … [...]
A little creepy for me.
I am far from a prude. But I honestly think that this concept is ridiculous. What exactly does Christmas have to do with half naked adults and fully naked grade-school children? I don’t get it. I’m happy that I am not on your mailing list.
Ugh. Cringe is right.
Sorry…but that’s a little creepy for me. Naked pictures of babies…sure. But that oldest kid is pushing puberty! Yuck…
I didn’t see obscenity, so long as all of the participants are on board. These boys look old enough to be in school. How do they feel about their classmates seeing them not naked? Or mom’s side boob? All I am saying is that I thought it was cute until I saw the look on the boy who is sitting on the floor’s face. YMMV
Incredibly incredibly creepy. They photo place did you a favor – your friends would see you in a new light, and not an attractive one.
Your son could not look more unhappy. You get off on this, but your kids obviously do not.
It’s time to stop this tradition of humiliating your children.
The kids look fine. More comfotable than I do in any picture I’ve ever taken.
This could not be any creepier. I pity your children who are clearly very uncomfortable and, as you said, needed to be bribed. Bribing children to get naked is something pedophiles and “strange uncles” do. Years of therapy will not begin to scratch the surface of what you are doing to your sons. Hide these pictures from your sons’ future girlfriends or expect a lot of sudden break-ups and heartaches for “that kid with the disturbing relationship with his parents”.
Kids and parents being naked in the same room is not wrong. You are the disturbed one for thinking it is.
What a beautiful family. I am envious of your humor, closeness, and open nature. Only in America can we turn something beautiful (like the nude form) into something dirty and shameful. Happy New Year Cringelys. xooox love Krissy (Dixie Pixie)
This picture is the least creepy thing about this dude. Bob Cringley doesn’t even exist. Wow. Fascinating story once you do a little research. It’s the interwebs! I know a lot more about this man than just what his kids look like naked.
Definitely obscene. But not because of the nudity, which is non-existent in the photo and even if there were nudity here it would not make a difference. Nudity is great, it is the only thing we bring into the world and take from it when we go. It is something that should be faced and accepted, it is beautiful. Misguided anti-nudists are the reason that some moms feel ashamed to nurse in public.
It is obscene because of the obvious Hollywood style psycho-sexual implications which saturate this image. A variation on the manifestation of people unqualified to be parents yet charged with the privilege of guiding young minds to make proper choices up to the age of majority.
This is a replication of the form of exploitation found in the much publisized newstory of the “balloon boy incident”, in which his “parents”, cared much more for fulling their personal fantasy then properly rearing their children. They were and should have been arrested and given jail terms, likewise I think these guardians deserve much the same.
It is the ongoing nonsense like this that has caused the perceived need in our society for things like DHS custody of childeren, who never-the-less would be better off, IMHO, with derelict parents like these, than in the hands of the bureaucracy.
Good grief. Your post is rife with illogic at best, and rife with subtle lunacy.
First you imply that you have no problem with nudity…in fact you rather endorse it, and then you sexual deprivation implied within the confines of the picture. Where? They are just nude…that is all. By your first paragraph, one would think that you would have no problem with the image.
I think any sexual inuendos that one such as yourself may beget from this image must then come strictly from yourself,
And then your post further meanders into the field of utter nonsense.
Take a qualude or something.
As an artist, I think it is tastefully done and kind of cute.
Still, I don’t think I’d display it with my other Christmas cards.
Kinko’s is wack-and someone needs to come up with an alternate solution. they are open 24 hours in some areas and really have good solutions for those of us who are starting our own businesses-waiting on funds to get computers-phones-etc. The pic is cute-the family is fun-Kinko’s is out dated. I went into Kinko’s with my poodle in arm at 2:00 in the morning as I was working to get fliers printed to rent one of my properties. The employee-who was damn near asleep behind the wheel refused to serve me saying that he was allergic to the dog (poodles dont shed-and he should kill himself because people have dog hairs on them all of the time)-that there was food in the store ( wrapped candy) and by golly he just wasnt going to print the pics. I called to complain…they have no signs-it was 2am and no one was in the store-they have NO Food-they did not care and I wont go there to save my life
I don’t see anything anyone other than a nudity-obsessed prude could object to.
I doubt if even my niece’s fundamentalist missionary inlaws would complain. . .
Great photo. Tastefull and humorous. Keep doing it as long as you can, you all will not be so good looking in a few years, as you naturally age gravity takes its toll.
Who knew that Cringely was such a kinster?
And am I the only one that finds it amusing that Kinko’s won’t print anything kinky?
Great card and glad to hear you got it printed and out in time. I can’t help but notice that your cookie tray is strangely lacking cookies.
Very odd and creepy card! Everyone is different and this surely qualifies as different. I feel bad for the child in the foreground, he doesn’t look happy.
Nice kitchen.
Honestly, I find it a little disturbing to see small children naked and displayed for the world to see. Not that you have any lewd intentions, but it’s not a far step from here to child porn. You coerced the boys to do this, they didn’t do it because they wanted to. If you and your wife want to make a naughty card to hand out to friends, that’s up to you but using your sons in this way is really not right. On the other hand, there is nothing showing so they had no reason not to print. But they are a private business and are not required to have you as a client. I think you need to read your own post, though. If your sons didn’t want to do it, why did you make them? and why are adults wanting to see near-nude pictures of the kids? or is it that they really want to see near-naked pics of you and your wife?
I could not have said it better myself. The bottom line is that the kids did not choose to participate. They were coerced. This, in and of itself, is getting dangerously close to abusive behavior.
However, now that these parents have succeeded in spreading this image all over the internet, they have stepped up to a whole new level of poor judgment. Congratulations on your new career as soft-core child pornographers, Mr. and Mrs. Cringely. I’m sure that every pedophile that views this charming family photo finds it delightful. But don’t be surprised when the local Children and Family Services worker knocks on your door. He or she will probably be accompanied by police officers who have a warrant for your arrest. Hoped you baked enough cookies for everyone.
A photo of a naked person showing nothing, and doing nothing sexual is not porn. Your mind is filthy. I recommend bleach.
I love the photo. The only cringe-worthy part for me is the idea of baking naked. I would just worry about burns, but I can’t even cook without socks on because of my splatter-phobia!
Nice card!
[...] His 2009 card is a bit more “out there.” Take a look (bottom of page). It seems he has trouble getting FedEx-Kinkos to print it. [...]
Its totally inappropriate. Because there are clearly no cookies on those on those cookie sheets. Had you actually been backing cookies, the bawdy card would have been almost Rockwellian, and would have been printed no problem. Shame on you all!!
(I like cookies)
Oops, “baking cookies”. “Backing” looks like what one of your sons is doing to the floor.
i found the card to be cute, and i know my family and i would have gotten a kick out of it if we had received a similar one. Though i am slightly curious about how it began by accident.
Very brave to assert your naturist beliefs, which, by the way, I totally agree with, in your technology column. As is obvious from the comments, you were never going to get an easy ride.
Fairly obviously, there is nothing fundamentally evil about the sight of bare bodies. I have read that the original impetus to cover up was not related to a sexual or religious belief per se, but to the establishment of larger hierarchies. It’s always been about control. And I know from a little skinny dipping out in the fresh air that a little naturism can bring a great sense of freedom, as though you are no longer hiding.
I do hope that fellow commenters can bring themselves to understand that any negative feelings they have are entirely the fault of their own upbringing and environment. Blaming Bob for making them feel uncomfortable is no more logical than blaming women for being raped because they weren’t covered from head to toe and being chaperoned.
I hope a social worker sees this picture and knocks on your door. The boys do not want to participate. It’s weird, and … well, cringe-worthy. By posting it online, you are no better than the Balloon Kid’s parents. This looks to me like you are looking for attention. I am sure your traffic surges in December.
You should really think about what psychological consequences these pictures have on your sons. One day a friend from their school will see it, and start teasing them about it. This tradition should not have started (or at least should have excluded the boys), and it definitely should end before one of your sons figures out how to add some poison to your coffee… like I said, you never know what this coersion does to their minds.
I don’t find it obscene. Weird, but not obscene. Looks like the kids are at a good age to make this the last nude Christmas card, though….
Not obscene. Don’t make kids do what they don’t want to do. Puberty is tough enough without parents bribing you to do things that might not feel comfortable doing for whatever PERSONAl reason. Dad is a bit of a control freak I imagine. Let’s take a look at their Xmas card in 20 years…dad will be floppy and mom will be droppy and the kids will be long gone.
To be honest I fully agree with Your view.
I think it’s a BEAUTIFUL card!
But in this day and age it isn’t much of a problem, Just print it yourselves!
Has any even THOUGHT about the possibilty that this might be a nudist family?…and that they only send it out to their nudist friends?? I think, perhaps, that may be it.
There is nothing wrong about this picture….the fact that this is even a big discussion with over 600 posts is emblematic of the warped, victorian attitudes towards the body that America and Canada have, In Europe, this pic wouldn’t even be given a second thought.
There is nothing dirty about the body…this is not some sleezy porn-fest…as a matter of fact, those that partake in porn are probably the self-same prudes who believe the human body is dirty.
This is just a pic of a family with different attitudes about family nudity, is all.
Just figurin’…