FedEx Kinkos Won’t Print Our Christmas Card
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Update — Good news! Reader Scott Hall, who owns a card printing web site called Babyshere.com, offered to print our Christmas cards for less than FedEx-Kinkos would have charged. Only a few hours later my cards are now literally in the mail. Thanks, Scott!
Tonight I walked into the Fedex Kinkos store on Calhoun Street here in Charleston, SC to print our Christmas cards, only to have the clerk, Tammy Johnson, reject my order as obscene.
We Cringelys are known for our Christmas cards, I admit, because we make them ourselves and we’re naked. The tradition began by accident and now our cards are so popular friends remind us to send them. Making naked Christmas cards that are tasteful isn’t easy, either, but we do it. With three little boys you can only go so long until they begin to realize they are, well, naked. That leads in our family not so much to protestations of modesty as to demands for bribes. The price of this year’s photo session was $2 worth of sour gummy worms per kid. Yum.
This is the second year in a row we’ve been rejected by Kinkos. “I remember you,” said Ms. Johnson, handing back my USB drive with a look of disdain. It was hard for me to tell whether this was a different look of disdain from the one I got when Ms. Johnson had to put down her cellphone to serve me in the first place.
I appealed last year’s rejection to the store manager, a man. After all Kinkos — the very same Kinkos — had happily printed our cards the previous four years. We were posing last year in a fishing boat, wearing life vests, strategic shadows, and nothing else. “I see something there, ” said the manager, pointing at what would have been the groin of my six year-old if it hadn’t been well-hidden behind a light on the boat.
“What do you see?” I asked.
“You know,” he said.
“It’s a navigation light,” I said.
“I don’t think so.”
“It’s green,” I said. “It’s a green navigation light.”
Our cards show nothing. They are just for fun. Summer vacation photos that families print at the same store show more — lots more — than our cards ever do.
When we were rejected last year I was working two days per week in San Francisco, so I had the cards printed there at another Kinkos, South of Market. I told the whole rejection/obscenity story to the pierced and tattooed San Francisco Kinkos counterman, who found it hilarious. He threw-in a few extra cards for free.
The U. S. Supreme Court allowed years ago that obscenity standards could vary based on “local values,” but such values have to be uniformly applied. If a Fedex Kinkos in Charleston will print a picture of a girl in a bikini or a boy with his shirt off, then they should print my Christmas cards.
I’ll be calling Fred Smith, the founder of FedEx, in the morning. If enough of you tell your friends about this column before then, maybe Fred will be expecting my call.
Here’s the picture. What do you think?
Crazy pic!! I liked the way it is photographed.
Nice snap indeed.
I am a mother of 2 a girl 3 and a boy 7 and I would never do this it is child porn in my opinion. NO reason this couldn’t have been done with clothes on. IT IS UNREAL THAT THE PARENTS HERE ARE NOT DRESSED IN FROUNT OF THERE CHILDREN! Wow what message does this send to our children. NO MODISTY!!!!
Wow, naturists must be very sick individuals to you… Clothes are meant to protect humans from the weather and keep them warm. They were never meant to hide the “private” parts, it’s just a side effect. Also, I’m not a naturist, I’m just saying
Thank you! I so agree!
extremely inappropriate and offensive!
I would never think okay to post my children in such a manner!
(boy: age 2, girl, age 7)
lude, crude, and puts a naughty twist to the meaning of “happy holidays”
The message it sends, is that non-sexual nudity is normal and those kids will grow up with out all the hang ups your kids will have. Thats the message.
-Danee
Jenna, I love how you just admitted publicly that you are a pervert and don’t even know it.
When I look at their photos I see adorable innocence. When you look at it, all you can see is sex. If I can look at naked children and see innocence, and you can’t look at naked children without seeing sex, tell me, seriously, who’s the pervert here?
I couldn’t have said this any better.
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I’m sorry, but the fact that these kids have to be BRIBED is what’s wrong with it, and makes me very uncomfortable. So, teaching your children that it’s okay when adults photograph you naked, as long as they give you candy…wow, great lesson!
@Alexis: Read it carefully: “hat leads in our family not so much to protestations of modesty as to demands for bribes.” These kids don’t have to be bribed, they are demanding a bribe. There’s a difference.
For the record, I think this is hilarious. Not the usual humdrum stuff you expect at Christmas. But how did this start “by accident”? There’s a story I’d like to hear.
You might want to use a spam filter, btw.
Alex, see my response to Jenna above.
It is colorful and funny Christmas card, but a nice family.
The picture never shows the private partss… and this picture never shows something worst, I can say that this picture makes me laugh and is funny
but we do it. With three little boys you can only go so long until they begin to realize they are?
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Good stuff you have here, I was going to mention this to a good friend of mine
The U. S. Supreme Court allowed years ago that obscenity standards could vary based on “local values,” but such values have to be uniformly applied. If a Fedex Kinkos in Charleston will print a picture of a girl in a bikini or a boy with his shirt off, then they should print my Christmas cards.
I couldn’t have really asked for a much better blog. You are always there to give excellent suggestions, going straight away to the point for easy understanding of your target audience. You’re undoubtedly a terrific specialist in this field. Many thanks for always being there for folks like me.
You guys are sick and twisted. Why would you ever photography your kids naked. Regardless of wether or not anything is shown.
Then his thinking way, “well, rinse meat or dumplings? Otherwise we today can try the new open between Korean food Wander in the stylus’s emotion,
The picture is just great. They all look happy and excited and the most important is you cannot see anything inappropriate. Very nice!
Thank you for everything
THANK YOU THAN YOU
Nice snap indeed.
I agree with those that have said this is sick. To be taking pictures of your children naked and them seeing you naked is disgusting and you’re setting them up for some serious therapy bills in the future. Way to go. Then to post it on the internet for EVERYONE to see? Think of all the Sex Registrants and people who look at child pornography who will be seeing these pictures! This is a HORRIBLE position for you to put your children in. You should be ashamed. Teach yourself and your children some self respect, showing yourself nude in public is not acceptable. I’m shocked that you haven’t been reported to CPS for this picture!
CP? Do you see CP here, you are a sick man, look for a therapy and body / self acceptance.
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Havent seen any new family Christmas cards on here since this one in 2009… have y’all continued on in the tradition?
I see nothing wrong with a personal christmas card, its not being used for advertising, and I think its rather sweet that the kids would still participate. To those of you who think this is encouraging young children to accept sweets to get naked for adults, GET A LIFE, they are the kids’ parents! Perhaps these parents are right in teaching the children that a naked body is to be admired, and that their body image is more important to them than a pack of ill humoured people.
( and i wouldnt suggest frying bacon in that outfit, Mrs Cringely…. ouch!)
I agree with Jack Black. I think this card is in bad taste. It’s one thing for your kids to see you naked, I think that this is natural. But for you to take pictures of this and send them out to your family and friends is disgusting! Not to mention putting it on the internet which is now there forever! Do you really want perverts looking at pictures of your kids?
This is innapropriate, expecially the age ranges of the children. And that the parents are involved. There is a line; and this is coming from a woman who took showers with her mother until she was 15 years old. It is just innapropriate in general and expecially for a Christmas card. I am sure the little boys and girls at school enjoyed it and Grandma-this is sarcastic.
I don’t like it. I would not be happy if I received one – even if I were a good friend. I would be embarrassed for the children. Do one with just the parents and hey, they are consenting adults. But with the whole family. Sure, his ‘junk’ is concealed, but he is still obviously naked. I’m all for being open with our bodies, but then taking photos of your openness and mailing it out – seems a bit perverted to me.
[...] Johnny Lee reminded me of something I’d mentally blocked: tech writer Robert Cringely’s nude family Christmas card and his battle with FedEx Kinko’s to get it printed. [...]
Paul Okami, Ph.D. “Childhood Exposure to Parental Nudity, Parent–Child Co-Sleeping and ‘Primal Scenes:’ A Review of Clinical Opinion and Empirical Evidence.” Journal of Sex Research 32.1 (February 1995): pgs. 51-64 concluded that children who grow up nude have fewer problem than children of textilist parents.
The Kinko’s clerks are just trying to protect their jobs. You might think it’s clever, but if the next person in the door thinks it’s porn, then they’re fired – at Xmastime, no less. Until we can be more tolerant of humor, clerks have got to protect themselves. Lighten up a little folks.
Kudos!
It’s a strange culture we live in where people are so over-conservative and nude-phobic.
I’m guessing they have never been outside of the US (i.e. the rest of the world). I routinely go to big spa resorts in Germany, naked with my also naked inlaws. I think one of the main reasons people here are so hung up on ‘being naked is bad’, aside from religion, is that people objectify the body here so much and can only thus see the nude as an object of sexual desire.
Are the figures painted in renaissance paintings (young or middle age or old) sexual? Is “Venus” sexual? Is the ceiling of the Sistine chapel sexual?
Often, what makes things (be they photographs, paintings, etc) “sexual” is not that they are inherently so, but that the people looking at them look at them with sexual thoughts. The problem then is in the person, not in the subject.
Are we offended by a nude newborn baby? No, it’s natural… the way we are born. At what age, then, does this innocent child become “sexual” when naked? The answer is, when the people looking at him/her look at him/her sexually. Again, the problem is in the viewer, not in the subject.
And as to religion – I myself am a church leader in a christian church – there is no place in the bible that says “nudity is bad”. What it talks about is not ‘lusting after people’ with sexual thoughts.
If you cannot control your thoughts, then maybe you shouldn’t look at family photos like this. And you should probably get a broader world view outside of the US as well.
The nude human form is not in and of itself sexual – it’s perverse thinking that makes it so.
As an aside – for the last 10 years my wife and I have sent out our well received christmas cards, featuring our nude selves from behind (in different areas of the world). The ideas has been to give our friends something other than the other 98% of atypical christmas cards that they get, and to inspire people to not take life so seriously.
We have an 8 month old now, and while it does take more sensitivity in how children are photographed/presented when nude, it’s a challenge we look forward to.
“…At what age, then, does this innocent child become “sexual” when naked? The answer is, when the people looking at him/her look at him/her sexually. Again, the problem is in the viewer, not in the subject.”
That sums it up right there. To all those people who think this is child porn – YOU have the problem. YOU are the one who equates nudity with sexuality. This really is an American hang up, but not one my family, or my children, have.
Kudos!
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[...]I, Cringely » Blog Archive » FedEx Kinkos Won’t Print Our Christmas Card – Cringely on technology[...]…
A beautiful Xmas picture!
(Only a person with sick imagination would see pornography here (i.e. depiction of a sexual act).
I see warmth and joy and a true Christmas spirit here! Lucky of you guys! Merry Xmas and a Happy New Year to you guys!
Paris, France
I agree with you Prometeus, only a twisted mind could see wrong where is none. How can someone see the human body as something wrong or bad per se?
It saddens me to see so many people finding offense in something as basic as nudity. Disgust at the human form is a learned perspective. Children must be taught to be ashamed of their bodies, and to find offense at viewing other people nude. As other people have said, if you view such images as having sexual content, you should look at yourself, and ask why you see this.
How can I get on your Christmas card list? I think these photos are adorable.
Children are natural nudists. They are taught body shame. Nudism is about de-stressing, relaxing, and returning to innocence. It’s about body acceptance, not judging yourself and others except for who you are, what you say, and how you act rather than what you look like, own or wear.
South Carolina community standards allowed my nudist club to have a booth when Mayfest was held each year through which over 150,000 people visited.
One year, Kinkos did enlarge the front page of a naturist/nudist park guide that had the backs of people on it for us to paste on a carton for our Halloween costumes.
There are a number of studies, some by Marilyn Story – a well-known sociologist- done that agree that children growing up in a nudist environment have fewer body image issues as well as a lower teen pregnancy rate. The divorce rate among nudist families is lower in comparison with the general population.
arilyn Story, in the Journal of Psychology, Vol. 118, first Half,
Sept. 1984 “Comparisons of Body Self-Concept between Social Nudists & Nonnudists”
Marilyn Story, in Jour. of Social Psychology, 1979, 108, 49-56 “Factors
Associated w/More Positive Body Self-Concepts in Preschool children”
Robin Lewis & Louis Janda, in The Relationship Between Adult Sexual
Adjustment & Childhood Experiences Regarding Exposure to Nudity,
Sleeping in the Parental Bed, &Parental Attitudes Toward Sexuality, Arch. of Sexual Behavior, Vol. 17, No.4, 1988
Marilyn Story in “A Comparison of Social Nudists & Non-nudists on
Experience w/Various Sexual Outlets” Journ. of Sex Research, Vol. 23, No. 2, pp
197-211, May 1987
Mary S. Calderone, M.D., in “The Family Book About Sexuality,” states:
” … with very young children accustomed from the beginning to nudity in
themselves and their parents, a great deal is taken for granted, and it
doesn’t seem to be much of an issue to them. What nudity does is make it
easy for children to become absolutely certain about just how men and
women are made. This knowledge is of great importance in assuring the child of his or her own correct gender. The differences in body states and sizes – and in body organs – can then be taken for granted and will provide an accurate image of how they themselves, or the opposite sex, will look when grown up. Children whose parents feel at ease in such natural events as stepping out of the shower, toweling, and walking back to their room to dress are fortunate.”
A suggested book is GROWING UP WITHOUT SHAME by Dennis Craig Smith,
ISBN 1-55599-001-0
Funny, wholesome, tasteful picture, no problem at all with it! Great job, guys. Good for your family. Your kids look happy enough, and they’ll definitely thank their parents for the kind of upbringing they’ve got.
A note regarding bribing: have you ever tried to take a quality photograph of three mischievous boys fully dressed? If you wanted them to pose quietly, you’d have to bribe them, clothes or not. So what’s the difference? They were not “bribed” to strip. They were “bribed” to pose. Costume is irrelevant.
To Ethan’s question “Why would you ever photography your kids naked.” – Let me ask you this, why parents photograph their kids at all? My understanding is that parents take pictures of their kids because they love them and want to save happy memories to cherish them for years to come. What difference does it make how the kids are dressed? Do you love your child better if he or she wears more clothes? Do you love your child when he’s fully clothed, tolerate him with his shirt off, and hate him when he’s naked? If you do, then you would really not understand why parents may photograph their kids naked as well as clothed.
Jenna said, “this it is child porn in my opinion”. Thankfully the US Supreme Court has a different opinion about what child porn is, so I’ll stick to that opinion rather than Jenna’s.
Maria said, “sure, his ‘junk’ is concealed, but he is still obviously naked.” That’s straight from Freud: Maria must suffer from severe phobia of male body parts if she uses words like “junk” to describe them. That’s typical of childhood rape victims, or victims of a certain kind of upbringing. The children shown in the picture will NOT have the same deep psychological problems that Maria demonstrates here. They are taught to love their bodies, not hate them or be ashamed of them.
Maria, you may not believe it but if I were to look at your picture it would be obvious to me that you were naked under the clothes that conceal your body. Isn’t everyone naked under their clothes? What difference does it make what exactly conceals the body parts you hate so much, pants or kitchen utensils? If you can’t see it, you can’t see it. Don’t let your imagination run wild, or else you might realize that people are naked – though they conceal their bodies to various degrees – everywhere you go.
The framing is perfect and the practical light in the oven is a really good touch. Great photography.
Hi,
Geart picture.
Whats in the oven?
Lucas
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[...]I, Cringely » Blog Archive » FedEx Kinkos Won’t Print Our Christmas Card – Cringely on technology[...]…
The way I see it, most of it is ok, but the real problem is the kid on the floor. The fact that he is using his own body to cover his genitalia, and that you can see the crease of his pelvis leading just up to his cock and the rounding of his bare buttox, causes for too much sexual suggestion. Mind you, I am not thinking sexual thoughts, but rather, this is a common pose intended for sexual purposes.
Quick test run. Lay you wife out on the floor nude with one hand covering her vagina and the other laid out over her nipples, and then take the other with her fully clad in an apron with nothing on underneath and honestly ask yourself in which one does she look more naked and more intentionally posed for sexual suggestion.
I think an honest mistake, but that the crucial line between this being humorous and pornographic is thin and by breaking the pattern of using foreign inanimate objects to cover the genitalia crosses the line, especially when juxtaposed with everyone else in the photo who has NOT crossed the line.
Do you see my point?